June

Another month is over. It seems to have gone by pretty fast but very slow at the same time. After my last post where we had Bug at the dr for a high fever I was lucky that the fever wasn't high the next day and I was able to go to work. I don't have a lot of sick time back from maternity so I'm really trying to let it build.

Continuing on my 'diet' I decided to try spaghetti squash one night. I'm not going to say it was a success but I learned from it and already have my next squash to try again. The two things I learned is that I needed to let the squash cook longer. It was a little crunchy for us. Second, if I'm going to use ground turkey I need to season my meat. I don't usually season ground beef but the turkey definitely needs it.

 I'm excited to try it again.

Bug is getting more teeth. It's hard to get a good look at them but you could see a few of his top teeth here. I think now at the end of the month he's got 5 teeth.

The first weekend my mom came down for Phantom of the Opera. Since we were just a few days from her birthday we did an adult night and went out to dinner at the Stockyards. It was John and I, Nick and Shar, Stephanie and Bart, and my mom. It was nice and they stuck us back in our own corner so we could be loud if we wanted.

It was almost exactly 6 months ago that we got Bug his Mickey ears. We had to try them on again to see if they fit better than last time. It definitely puts it into perspective on how much he's grown!

Saturday was Phantom and Stephanie, my mom, and I went out to dinner before the show. We went to Culinary Dropout and I had something ramen. This is what showed up. It was interesting and good.

We had splurged and gotten pretty good seats. I was excited to see this production since they've redone the chandelier and the staging. I prefer the old staging. I prefer the old staging with Les Mis too so maybe it is just that I love the way I remember them from the first time I saw them. I had planned on seeing Phantom before I found out, but Chris Mann has been playing the Phantom. I was really excited to be able to see him perform again. Since I became a fan I've been able to see him at least once a year so far; first in Idaho Falls, then last year in Mesa, and now this. I was nervous for it because I take a lot of ridicule for liking Chris, but I thought he did awesome. I forgot it was him which is the most you can ask for I think. Of all the concerts I've seen him in Idaho Falls is still my favorite. Hearing him perform his own music with a live orchestra is the best. I hope to see him in that setting again soon.

We had decided it would be adult dinner Friday, Phantom Saturday, and family dinner Sunday. Last minute we remembered that we should invite Nathan and Erica! We were excited that they were able to come!

There wasn't a lot more exciting for the month. Bug is definitely mobile with his army crawl. I love watching him learn. He was figuring out how to get his ball from under the chair.

I might be late to this train, but I had been thinking about colored pants for a while. I finally pulled the trigger and got some red pants! I actually really like them but I feel like a mix between a rebel and an old lady. Not sure if my grandma reads my blog, but I'm 100% positive she has some red pants. Sorry Grandma.

We were pacing out some new runs so we went for a bike ride one evening. I love seeing JJ in his little trailer. He does really well when we go out riding, but it's so hard because it has been so warm.

We did pick a Saturday morning for Stephanie and Bart to come over and ride bikes to the Coffee Shop for breakfast and then home. I apparently didn't take any pictures. It was a fun ride and about 9 miles total. Bug did really well on the ride and at breakfast. He fell asleep on the way back. I like that because sometimes I worry that we aren't making him adaptable enough with falling asleep places other than his crib.

Another worry that I have is that we are going to fight him on shoes. I've only put shoes on him 2-3 times and they haven't lasted long. I think when he starts walking we're going to fight him to wear shoes. He was not liking his flip flops. Don't you just love his dirty onesie?

I had also put together a game night one Saturday. We had over Nick and Shar, Stephanie and Bart, and Nathan and Erica. We had pizza, chips and salsa, cookies, and donuts. We played catch phrase and pictionary. It was a lot of fun and I'm glad everyone could come. We'll have to do it again soon!

One thing we learned is that Erica isn't competitive at all (sarcasm).

We had to do a little marketing for Hydroflask while we were all together.

The 14th was Bug's 9 month mark. What can I say about him? He's pretty amazing. He goes down really well for us about 7:45 each night. He likes to get up at 430ish which isn't great. He naps pretty well; probably better for Laura than for us at home. He loves his bottle and is sort of picky about food. Someday's he eats really well and other days not so much. He gags on any little chunk of anything. He loves to play nonstop. He hasn't liked baths so much since I took out his bath chair but he does ok with them. Usually at least once a day we fight trying to hold him still while I change his diaper. We're working on waves, kisses, mama, and dada.

Wasabi kit kat anyone? A guy at work came back from Japan with a variety of treats. This is one of the treats I tried. It was ..... interesting.

Along with the dieting I've been doing pretty good with getting up and running in the mornings. It's not a long run because I have about 20 minutes but it's something. I'm lucky enough to be out when the sun rises and it's one of my favorite views pretty much everyday.

This picture below was taken one night after JJ was asleep. I was sitting on the couch looking around thinking I should pick up his toys and I realized I could see his path through the room. It was literally one of the Family Circus comics of the kids path. He had literally touched every corner of the room. It made me laugh. 

The above picture was taken on a morning when he slept in for us. I was trying to prove to JJ that when he sleeps in a little longer he wakes up happier.

We had a big all staff meeting at work the other day. We had to go to another building for it so we all piled into Lars' car and made him drive us. It wouldn't be right if we didn't take a selfie while we were at it. I work with some pretty amazing people.

We also had JJ's 9 month appointment. I thought we were going to get out of this appointment with no shots, but nope! We had to do 2 shots and they tested his blood for anemia. He failed both the tests in the doctors office so we had to go in for blood work. His 9 month numbers are: 18 lbs 8 oz for weight, 29 1/4 inches for height, and 18 1/4 inches for his head. That put him at 27%, 81%, and 84% respectively. We thought we were getting close to needing to switch his carseat which is 20 pounds and 30 inches and we are close on both fronts. We'll probably switch him in the next month or so.

Along with my diet I've been trying to eat more veggies. I get tired of the same veggies all the time so I've been trying to branch out. I saw some chard at the store the other day and it brought back memories. I remember having chard at my grandma's as a kid for Sunday dinner. So I got some and had it with several meals.

This kids hair. It is crazy. I've been spiking it sometimes. It usually lasts about 5 minutes.

Nick and I both took off the last Friday and he said he had time to go golfing before they left town. So we went out for a 645 tee time. The first 9 weren't bad, but by the back 9 I was so hot I didn't give a damn. I don't know if it's the running or what but it took at least 4 holes before I even felt loose on my swing and it was a pretty pathetic round.

After the golf I went home and took a cold shower and then took Bug to get his blood work that afternoon. That was pretty much the worst thing ever. It took John and two workers to hold him down while they took blood. I got a call from his doctor the other day though and the test came back fine. So that was a relief. 

Saturday John and I were sitting in the living room and this giant moth kept dive bombing the sliding door. I was pretty sure it was going to break through or figure out how to come through the dog door. I think I can add suicidal moth to my list of Arizona animals in our neighborhood.

We were bored the other day so we took Bug to the mall. We had to try out some of the Disney Vans. Again with the shoes....

That really sums up the month.  A busy month with a bunch of nothing. Here is a picture of Bug in his new favorite play place, the top of the end table shelf. Crazy kid.

Here goes nothing

I've been thinking about this post for a few days and debating about whether I would sit down and write it or not, but .....here goes nothing. (Sorry it's a small novel).

I want to deconstruct the last 15 years of my life according to my weight. Yep, I'm going to put it all out there, because I am old enough to say 'you can like me the way I am or I don't need to know you'. Let's face it as a woman there is a lot of pressure whether real or imagined on our weight and looking a certain way and wearing a certain size, etc. I understand that I will probably never be what I weighed in November of 1999 when I got down to a size 6 for the first time in a long time because I was being 'emotional'.

I don't think I've ever been 'tiny'. I prove this point with my giant hands. I don't have tiny dainty fingers. I think my middle finger is a size 11. I also don't think that I look like I weigh as much as I do (but maybe I do). So that being said, most of high school I was a size 8 about 120 lbs. I would love to get back there again but I'm not holding my breath!

Then came freshman year of college. Living in SLC on my own and learning that Kraft Macaroni and Cheese the shapes with a little extra butter is DELISH! Yep, I gained the freshman 10...plus another probably 30. I am not sure but I think I probably gained at least 30 lbs that year. We loved to eat out (Olive Garden!!), and eat a lot of really bad stuff for us. I think that is just part of that period in life. Working out? What? Uh, no. The most working out I did was walking 1/2 a block to college in a mansion and up the 2 flights of stairs to the 3rd floor of the apartment building. I think by the end of that first year I was into a size 10 or 12. Yep, if I could redo any time health wise in my life it might be that year.

After that first year of college I moved back home. I got engaged that summer and married 9 months later. Let's face it, that 9 months wasn't too kind either. We ate out a lot because what else was there to do? Still not really physically active and still believing my childhood metabolism would never slow down. By February 2002 I weighed about 160-165 and I think I was a size 12. I wasn't proud that in 2 years I'd gained about 40 or so pounds but I also didn't fret about it. Life was busy being a newlywed, working, being in school, etc. I wasn't really active and I ate anything I wanted and I seemed to stay about 165 so who cared? I will never forget that my cousin was getting married not too long after me and my mom and grandma were talking about her possibly borrowing my wedding dress and my grandma said I was fatter than my cousin. I was kind of shocked and hurt and I'll admit that now because I remember it 13 years later so it must have hurt.

I can say that for the next 8 years I did so-so. By 2010ish I weighed about 175-180. So I was gaining an average of 1-2 lbs a year. I was sort of ok with that. I mean it was so much better than what had happened to me between 2000-2002. I wasn't gaining a lot and I wasn't being any more active than I'd ever been. Like a lot of people by this time I was in a very sedentary job. I also at out lunch almost every day. Wendy's was my best friend.

I don't know when I became unhappy with my weight or when it really started to sink in that I needed to do something. I know I crash dieted occasionally. I have done low carb, no carb, HCG, juice cleanse, Nutrisystem, Medifast, etc. and nothing works. I've cut out coffee, cut out soda, cut out red meat, etc. and nothing really seems to be the key to lose weight for me. I think I have a little bit of a genetic handicap (sorry mom and dad but genetically I think there's a force working against me).

Around 2008 I started going to the gym. I got a personal trainer. He was convinced that it was just a matter of diet and exercise. I did a lot of different diets with him, had a body bug, tried cardio, tried weights, tried resistance. After a solid year of working with him I hadn't even lost 5 lbs. He finally agreed that there might be some medical hindrances as well. For anyone who has read my post about pregnancy you know that from 2003 forward I was also dealing with some medical/female issues that may or may not have played a part in this. Again, I don't think I'm genetically meant to be small; I can (could) almost bench press my body weight. I can clean and press 70lbs in high heels (I have the picture to prove it), but I still wasn't happy with my weight or body. Because I wasn't having any luck I pretty much quit the gym at this time.

Jumping to 2010 and we joined the gym again. I was still cruising at the solid 175-180lbs/size 14. I had decided that running the most natural exercise I could do (what did they do back in the day when there weren't gyms? They walked and ran everywhere). I have never been a runner but I was determined I was going to try. I remember when I did my first 15 minute mile. I thought that was AWESOME. I was 'running' on the treadmill pretty much everyday and lifting weights as well. I was still eating whatever I wanted and seeing no results! I did feel better about myself and my energy increased but you still want to see some change or you get discouraged. I think I did drop a few pounds and probably lost some inches but nothing significant.

Then February 2014 I found out I was pregnant. That was such a shock for me. Among other reasons I do think that being more active (along with getting the female issues resolved) played a part in why it happened. I remember the first doctor I went to pretty much told me I was obese and that could make my pregnancy high risk and to gain only 10-15 lbs for the whole thing. I never went back to her. I worried my whole pregnancy about blowing up. I think total I ended up gaining about 18-20lbs and I ate anything I wanted which was awesome.

I was really happy when within about a week of having JJ I was back to pre-pregnancy weight. Then the next 11 weeks happened. I was tired, exhausted, worn out, and sitting home alone all day. I didn't sit here and eat Bon Bons but eggs and toast? Or cream of wheat with a bunch of brown sugar? Yep! And soda and candy! By the time I went back to work I was up to almost my end pregnancy weight. I think I was about 198 and probably a size 16. I was disgusted with myself but I felt at a loss. I didn't know how or where to fit in working out, working full time, and having a baby, and being a wife. It weighed pretty heavy on my mind. I had several personal come to Jesus meetings to try and talk myself down and just relax and give it time. Spending time with that amazing little guy was WAY more important than working out. It still is and always will be.

However I know in my heart that I want to be more for him. I don't want him to be ashamed of me or me ever not be able to do something with him because of the physical condition I am in. I finally settled that the only way I was going to fit exercise into my day was to get up about 445 every morning and go running. I don't like being up that early and I fight it every day. It's an internal struggle to drag myself out of bed and not get that extra 45 min of sleep and I am EXHAUSTED by the middle of the week! I also hadn't been a fan of running outside because I think it is harder than a treadmill. It's scary to think that however far from the house I get myself I have to get myself BACK; not just jump off the treadmill and walk to my car. But I am back at it. I'm not running far everyday and some days are better than others. It's really hot right now and it sucks but I'm not going to quit.

I'm also trying to log my food and count calories. There are different theories on if that is a good way to lose weight or not, but it's not a method I've really tried before. Guess what, it sucks too! To realize that the delicious Pringles chips are basically a days and a half worth of my calories or that my 'normal not oversized' helping of spaghetti is like 500 calories just for the noodles sucks! But I feel like I'm getting the hang of it. I'm not afraid to have a cheat day or go over my count by a lot or a little. I just recognize that when I do I have to get right back on track the next day. I have to realize that the banana split John talked me into last night will probably reflect on the scale tomorrow. I am learning to not feel guilty because I used ground turkey instead of beef and John doesn't like it. I made chard with my dinner tonight because I wanted it and it's good for me even though John won't eat it. I have to take care of myself and he has to adapt to what works for him. I'm trying to settle into the mindset that this is 1. a marathon not a sprint and 2. it needs to be a life long change. It took me 15 years to get here it's going to take more than 15 days to get back.

So that is the past 15 years of my life according to my weight. I'm seeing some results. Slowly, but results nonetheless. I'm not quite to pre-pregnancy weight yet, but I'm cutting into the last 10 lbs of it. I don't know measurements because I never measured to know if I'm losing inches, but at least I feel solidly back into size 14 versus 16. Hopefully once I hit pre-pregnancy weight I can keep going. I'm not shooting for high school 120 lbs, but maybe newlywed weight? And I can honestly say I love running. I want to go everyday because I love the sweat, I love the calorie burn, I love the energy I get from it. I feel so much more accomplished with this running than any of the running I ever did at the gym. I'm not going the distances I did and the times aren't as good as at the gym, but I feel that these runs now are more honest than any of those gym runs ever were.

Last thought, I'm freaking out a little as I finish this about publishing it. No one knows my weight except me and my doctor but I don't know maybe it will be liberating. Here goes nothing....

May

I feel like there is so much to go over and it's only 1/2 a month!

So my last post ended at Mother's Day. So that week of Mother's Day Bug hit 8 months! This was his 8 month photo. He is starting to like standing when he can lean against something.

Ok so I was guilted into making his baby food. He wasn't eating as much for us as we'd like to see and were a little worried. I talked to his daycare and she told me that he was eating a bunch at her house and maybe it was that she makes his food and I was doing commercial food. Yep, make me feel great. So I went and bought a bunch of different fruit and veggies to make him some fresh food. The first night I gave it to him he gagged. I finally had to accept that if he's eating at her house maybe he's just not hungry with me and he gags on a lot of the food I feed him so ....

We stuck grumpy pants in his swing one day to try and make him happy. He's not in there a lot anymore and it struck me how big he's gotten. I had to compare him to one of the first photos of him in his swing.

One Sunday Stephanie met John and I for dinner at San Tan. We grabbed some Paradise Bakery and some Frost and then wandered around for a bit. We were really looking for flip flops for Bug. We found him a cute hat!

We were walking back to the car and Bug wanted to touch the trees so Dad lifted him up to feel it and knocked him in the head in the process.

Joe and Heidi were down in Phoenix for Whitney's graduation and they stopped by one night. We were excited to see them and visit. It wasn't a long visit but we could sit and talk for hours and hours. We're glad they found time to stop by while they were here.

I decided to get a pedicure one day with Stephanie since I hadn't had one in about a year. I have a hard time taking time for myself. I feel guilty leaving John to watch Bug and leaving Bug to do something that isn't essential.

One night John came home with this. I love the saying.

Nick and I got off work early one Friday and we indulged and went to YC's for lunch. I haven't been there in a while and it was so good.

A friend at work had an easy eggwich and I decided I wanted one too. So I got on my new friend, Amazon Prime, and ordered one. It's pretty handy to just take an english muffin and eggs to work and go make an egg mcmuffin in about 3 minutes. Sometimes I take some spinach and put in it, or turkey bacon. I even made John go to the farmers market and get fresh eggs.

This is one of Bug's new pastimes. He likes to climb all over us. I'm not going to lie, but it is one of my favorite things to just let him crawl all over and give him loves.

Since we missed the Moab trip I planned a trip to Utah for Memorial Day. We actually took Thursday through Monday off, but didn't go to Utah until Friday. So Thursday we went golfing. We tried a new course and it wasn't my favorite, but it was fun to play something new.

Then Friday morning we headed out early. I was anxious to fly with Bug again since I haven't done it since he was 2 months old and that was stressful. I had it all planned the way I hoped it would go. We would get through security, feed him his bottle and fill his sippy with water, get on the plane and have his sippy to help with his ears, and then he'd sleep the 90 min to Utah.

Here is what actually happened. It took us over an hour to get through the checkin line and security. We were walking to our gate and I said, we haven't gotten water yet. We get to our gate and find no one; they had already boarded. In a panic we hurry to board with no water and a hungry baby. We get on the plane and I think ok, we'll feed him while we take off and he'll fall asleep. Nope. He started fussing before we even pushed off. We feed him and have nothing for him for while we take off. He starts to cry and keeps crying for about the next 40 minutes. It was miserable, but we made it.

It wasn't supposed to be real warm in Utah that weekend and we ended up at Target buying Bug some jammies that fit him. Mostly we just hung out at Aunt Patty's house with Chad and Corrine and Jena and Rudy and all the kids along with my parents. I think Bug had fun being around all the kids.

Conner did a good job holding Bug. He liked to make him laugh.

We had lots of good food and really appreciate that Mark and Patty let us crash their house and their weekend. Saturday they'd planned a BBQ and invited my Aunt Annette and Russell and family over. Their kids couldn't make it but they came with my Grandma and Grandpa. It was nice to see them all.

We did leave Bug with his Grandma Saturday night and the adults and Conner went to City Scape? City Gate? Whatever that place is in downtown SLC.

Lexie and Bug. They had a good time also. Especially with the stroller.

My mom made her chocolate marshmallow brownies. I don't know how it started that I took a middle piece but I know I took it and sent the picture to Tara. I guess this is something that she would do and yes, I got in trouble for it a few times later.

Chad was trying to get the grill out in between rain storms with Lexie on his back.

Sunday we decided to go down memory lane and have brunch at Grand America. Bug did really well. He got to hang out with all the adults.

Looking out the window with Dad.

He did get a little fussy and tired at some point. It was bound to happen when Chad and I were determined to stay at least through breakfast and lunch to get our monies worth. Surprisingly we were able to get him to fall asleep in Dad's arms. It's not something we do very often and so he has a hard time doing it. Sometimes I think we need to try and make him more adaptable that way.

We left Bug with Grandpa for a little bit so that we could go see Jena's house. I was sure we were going to come back and Grandpa was going to have forgotten about him, but he didn't.

After dinner all the kids were outside so we took Bug out to enjoy the fresh air. Patty got out this stroller to see if he would like getting pushed around. Lexie thought that was a great idea and loved pushing him up and down the sidewalk.

We made it back home Monday. The flight home was a lot better; only about 5 minutes of crying. He was asleep and they came on to make an announcement and it woke him up and John and I have never seen a look of complete fear on him before, but we saw it then!

One of my egg mcmuffins.

Bug is definitely learning to climb and the end table seems to be his favorite spot. Shortly after this picture he went all the way over.

Stephanie and Bart, and John and I had tickets to see Whitney but she cancelled. So we had a babysitter and no where to go. We ended up in downtown Gilbert at the food truck something or other. There were a lot of trucks with some interesting options.

We ended up at a grilled cheese truck. I had some goat cheese, mushroom, and who knows what. It was pretty good.

For dessert we had to get waffles. Mine has chocolate, caramel, and sea salt. It was pretty yummy but very rich. We ended up at Lolo's afterwards and I wish I'd just had a waffle there instead.

I also subbed at bunco for the month. I won for something and this was my prize. Well the jars were the prize and I went to Hobby Lobby and got the glass to fill them.

I also got some frames and stuff for my new wall collage.

We were sitting in the dining room one morning; well, John was feeding Bug and I was washing bottles when I look out the window and there is this line of ducks marching up our lawn. They came and hung out by the front door and the gate for a while. We walked to Walgreens and when we came back they were gone. We don't know where they went and haven't seen them since.

Last, and this actually happened in June, but we had a sick little Bug. He's been teething again and we thought was it, but I got him home from daycare and knew he was warm. I took his temp and it was 102. He'd been lowgrade for a few days but this was much higher than he'd been. I got him out of his clothes and checked him again and we were up to almost 103. I called John and since he was almost home we waited for him so we could go to the Urgent Care. I knew he didn't feel well when he let me just hold him. I was rubbing him down with a cool wash cloth and he'd just sit there and whimper. That is so unlike him.

We got to the Urgent Care and when they took him temp it was almost 104. They were pretty quick to get him some Motrin and a lot of it. He ended up with a double ear infection and chest congestion. He's on medicine still but certainly seems to be doing a lot better. He did cut the top two teeth and I think we have 2 more coming. I'm just glad the fever came down after that one night. 

That closes out our May. It's been a busy June already too!